i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
