You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
