I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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