if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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