Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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