I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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