Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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