He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
