dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
