Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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