Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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