I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
