Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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