your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
