I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
