why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
