I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
