So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
