I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
