you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
