Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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