We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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