Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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