I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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