I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
