i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
