Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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