I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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