Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
