I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
