5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
