I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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