at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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