final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
