Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
