hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
