I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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