Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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