And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
