I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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