So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
