If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
