You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
