My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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