You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
