my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
