I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
