you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
