I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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