You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
