i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Enjoy the penises
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
