How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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