I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
